Billie Lourd, the only daughter of Carrie Fisher, opened up on social media on the day her mother, who passed away in 2016, would have turned 69. In a touching Instagram post, she spoke about grief, longing, and the pain of losing her mother.
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Lourd, 33, a mother of two, shared her sadness that her mother never got to meet her grandchildren – Kingston, 5, and Jackson Joanne, who turns 3 in December – and how Fisher’s choices during her life were directly linked to her passing.
“She never got to meet her grandkids or see them grow into the magical, intelligent, hilarious, and kind creatures they are today,” Lourd wrote, alongside a photo of herself with her mother and grandmother, actress Debbie Reynolds.
“The other night, my son asked me how she died. I told him she didn’t take care of her body – telling the truth without telling the whole truth. ‘Oh, but I take care of my body!’ Yes, I said, ‘Yes, you do! And so do I, and Daddy too!’ Death isn’t at our doorstep the way it always was at hers. That’s a conversation for years from now.”
According to the actress from “The Last Showgirl,” talking about her mother with her young son broke her heart – and also made her angry at her mom. “It’s strange to be angry at a dead person, because there’s nowhere to put the emotion,” she explained in her post.
“But she’s still there, and I’ve had to learn to allow myself to feel everything – angry at her for not getting sober, sad that she couldn’t, and grateful that she existed.”
“So, I let myself be angry for a moment, but then I realized I also want her birthday to have a touch of joy. Mostly for my kids.”
“Grief is a strange soup of emotions, filled with many hard-to-swallow ingredients, but in the end, I think the soup has made me healthier – more aware of how short life is and more grateful for all the happy things in my life,” Lourd wrote. “And for that, I’m grateful – or sad, if you prefer.”
Actress Carrie Fisher, best known for playing Princess Leia in Star Wars, died at the age of 60 on December 27, 2016, a few days after suffering a cardiac arrest.
Images: Instagram @praisethelourd, courtesy of Lucasfilm. This content was created with the help of AI and reviewed by the editorial team.
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